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And nothing against the non-parents in the group, but I’m so wrapped up with my kids, that if you don’t have that same passion and joy, we’re probably going to have to look for things to have engaging conversations about. I think that initial attraction is something that we can’t really control or completely predict, but I also don’t think we can do without it. But as we begin navigating our time together we’ve got to be able to talk about whatever we’re feeling.

And if you’re going to do more than lay around in bed with this person, you’d might want to go easy on the seduction moves at first. (Let’s not start with jumping in bed or looking at vacation calendars for a while. (If we’re about to sleep together I can assure you we’ve had this conversation.) 8.

But if a single mom invites you over for dinner — whether a romantic evening for two, or with her kids — she had to clean up a whole lot of Legos and finger paint and sting cheese wrappers, and wrangles in an extra trip to the market and wine store to make it happen.

It may appear effortless, but effortless actually takes more effort.

Once we began talking, my mind would race off into a baby-filled fantasy future. Excellent, I’d think, picturing him kicking a ball around with our children. Brilliant, I’d say to myself, imagining him riding along with our toddler strapped on the back.

And then, far too early on, I’d ask nonchalantly: ‘So, how do you feel about kids?

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